Preheat the oven to 400°F (200°C).
Press and drain the tofu: wrap the drained tofu in paper towels, set on a plate, top with another plate and a heavy weight, and let sit at least 15 minutes.
Toss the torn kale with 2 teaspoons olive oil, season with salt and pepper, spread on a baking sheet, and bake 5–7 minutes until crisp; set aside.
Make cauliflower rice: pulse the chopped cauliflower in a food processor until rice-like, transfer to a microwave-safe bowl, and microwave 5–6 minutes until softened; keep covered and warm.
Slice the pressed tofu into 1/4-inch slices and pat dry, then heat 2 tablespoons olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat.
Place the tofu slices in the hot skillet and cook until golden brown and crispy on one side, flip and brown the other side, then use a spatula to break the tofu into small scramble-like pieces.
Reduce heat to medium, add the diced onion, smoked paprika, cumin, and minced garlic to the skillet and cook 2–3 minutes until the onion softens.
Stir in the adobo sauce and cook 1 minute, then add the salsa and heat through; remove the skillet from the heat.
Toss the warm cauliflower rice with lime juice and chopped cilantro, then divide the rice among plates.
Top each plate with kale chips, the tofu scramble, chopped avocado, and a poached egg if using, then serve.